The Cost
by CuteCat213
Summary: He came back, but the cost was higher than he- than any of them, had ever thought. And in the end, it wasn't worth the price he'd paid. Spoilers for the end (but not quite how you think!) HEAVY angst. One-shot. Drabble-ish.


**Don't own ToA; Bolded Poem is all mine.**

* * *

It hurt. A lot. All the time. All he knew anymore was pain; a throbbing, bleeding pulse in his chest.

Life. It hurt, if there was one thing the two sets of memories had taught him, it was that. How ironic that he had it now, and wished nothing more than to give it away.

**I do not live, yet cannot die.**

**Regardless of the ways I try.**

Lots of people wished to die at one point or another in their lives, he was sure. Even the great Jade had wished he'd never been born. How terribly, fittingly ironic that now, when he would do anything not to be alive, he _couldn't fucking die (he knew: he'd tried... SO many damn ways)._ His payment for all the sins he'd committed, he supposed, all coming due at once.

**This heart that beats; these bones that break.**

**This blood that drips, my soul that aches.**

So many people expressed the wish to live forever, and here he was cursed with that 'gift', had foolishly tossed aside his precious death and _come back from the dead_.

He'd come back. _For them_.

And it was a mistake. The greatest one he'd ever made. Two promises, tearing him in opposite directions, and in the end he hadn't had to choose either one. Because they couldn't take it; his return. They had _begged_, sang, _pleaded_ with Lorelei for him to come back. But they couldn't take it when he did.

**All alone and left behind.**

**Being born my greatest crime.**

They'd been happy at first, in the field of Selenias, all had run to embrace him, thrilled to have him back. And Jade had tried to ask that all-important question: what was his name?

But Tear and Natalia hadn't let him answer, the fear in their eyes a frightening thing in itself. And he couldn't do that to them: break their hearts like that. So he'd answered simply, the only answer they _would_ accept; one way or the other (Natalia swore), he was Luke. Whether the original or the replica seemed almost moot. He had both sets of memories, but he wasn't-

**They see me here, they see this skin;**

**They do not wish to look within.**

It started going downhill almost immediately. Natalia and Tear would cling to him and avoid him by turns; always watching, looking for hints that he was 'their' Luke... and then ignoring those same hints.

It took a little while, but he finally realized what was wrong: he was back. And neither girl could handle it. They preferred him more as a memory they could cling to, and no matter what he did, it wasn't quite enough in their eyes. Two years, he supposed, was enough time to become used to their feelings; to the grief they held close; that bonded them together.

And he couldn't let them down. So, heart breaking, he was what they needed him to be. He was Asch for Tear, and Luke for Natalia.

**This punishment: my heart is broken.**

**My solemn words all left unspoken.**

It was the opposite for the men. Jade wanted someone with smarts, with the knowledge of fonic Artes and Lorelei who could answer his questions and reply to his theories; while Guy wanted the young redhead he'd helped raise, who'd befriended him in spite of his (fake) lack of status.

Anise alone didn't care either way; she was just as willing to marry him as she'd ever been, more than happy to add to her already substantial income as Fon Master. It was the closest he could come to being himself. Even Anise mentioned how depressing that was.

**And who should listen anyway?**

**I am not worth what price they'll pay.**

He knew now, from both sets of memories (Asch from his time as God-General, and Luke from his time as a noble), why he hadn't made friends, why he hadn't gotten attached. Because everyone would just end up leaving or being taken away. He didn't know which was worse: losing them all now, or later on down the line when they'd all die of old age and he'd still be walking the planet; the resurrected scion of the seventh fonon.

Both his memories had a distinct lack of the action, but the thought of the pure, heart-wrenching, agonizing _irony_ made him laugh. Laugh until he cried, then cried until he was hoarse and couldn't speak. This was to be his fate: forever wandering the world, alone, no home, no friends, forever separated from his other half who he'd so foolishly left.

**If this is my fate, I should cut myself off.**

**Deny me the pain, it's not worth the cost.**

In the middle of the night, in The City of Light; the Scion of Lorelei, named for the Light of the Sacred Flame, disappeared, and was never seen again.


End file.
